| So it's been a while since i've been here and i come back to find xanga to be completely different from what i remember. it took me quite sometime to figure out how to actually post a new entry with all the snazzy new icons and stuff i couldn't find the "post new weblog" button. i'm writing because it's been a while. i'm writing because i want to write. but i don't even know if anyone is actually out there anymore... (let me know if you are!)
this has been a year of GROWTH. both for me as a person and for my school. since school and life have become so intertwined, i can't talk about my life without first talking about my school.
it is amazing to me how much of a difference it makes when one person on the team cannot carry their weight. looking back at my entries from august 2006, i remember all the hope and excitement i had around opening this school with 7 other AMAZING individuals. each of them bringing something special, each coming from their own professional hell and coming with one common purpose: to teach the kids that so deserve it. while we may have had different views on some things (although this really didn't happen very often) we all knew that the bottom line was that we all were there for the same reason. we all, ultimately were passionate about our reasons for being in education and not taking that high end job elsewhere-- some of us holding not just one masters but multiple masters-- still CHOSE to be in the profession that is so often frowned upon as not "applying yourself". this common passion was what ultimately made last year as successful as it was-- we weren't perfect but we created a school where our kids felt safe and KNEW that we had their backs. the defiance and disrespect of my teach for america years a long lost memories by the end of our first year of Endeavor. Sure, the kids weren't perfect but ultimately, they knew we loved them and they loved us back. for some of them, we became their family-- the only stability they had in their young 9 to 11 year old lives. NOTHING will ever replace that first year-- to be a part of a tight team of individuals that CREATED a school where they saw a need is something that can never portrayed in a textbook.
fast forward to year two-- while i still desperately try to hold on to that vision and that feeling of team and family we created during our first year of existence, it ultimately has paled and i often find myself grasping for the last remnants of this vision. there is no one person that i can blame this on but ultimately, i've realized that the meshing of individuals with each other, especially in a school is the backbone to the success of the school itself. all of our teachers once again have come from completely different backgrounds but most have come a more traditional route. they have not had the experience that many of us shared our first year of teaching where we were given a "crash course in teaching" and then thrown in to either sink or swim. those that stayed in teaching were the ones that swam-- the ones that figured out, despite the rushing waters and the feeling of hopelessness, how to be a teacher. some of our weakest links have never experienced this type of adversity. some have never taught before and others have taught in jobs that did not challenge them in the same way while others were somehow the ones that sank and that common vision? has been lost. we have too many individual islands in our small lake of a school and nothing is bringing us together the way our kids need things to be. they know the white elephant in the room and are dying for us to see it and address it. what they don't realize though is that there is only so much we can do. as adults, we cannot expect other adults to change their BEINGS. we worked so well last year because we all basically had the same style and if not, adapted our styles to meet those of others. our kids essentially had 5 different versions of the same teacher. this year our teachers have 2 different teachers: those that can manage and those that cannot. they've even got two types of caring: those that truly care about where they will go and whole heartedly believe they will get there with our help and those that say they care, but doubt them deep down inside --- those that have a smile that only rings true on the surface. nearly as bad, if not worse than those TFAers who chose TFA as a resume booster-- if you want to "save" some kids-- don't do it at our school. our kids are too fragile and have been through too much for you to pity them-- they need teachers that will do whatever it takes to get them where they need to be but they don't need teachers who will look at them as if they are hopeless and go home to their cushy homes on the other side of this city. HOW can you teach in a community that you don't even live in? while i know that i never can claim and never will claim that i know the lives my kids lead but knowing their neighborhoods, knowing the prejudices against them, knowing the walls they have had to hit over and over again, i can begin to understand where they come from.
bottom line is: if you are going to teach, teach because you love children. if you are going to teach in the "inner city" teach for the right reasons. our kids don't need you to save them, they need you to love them and they need you to CARE. |
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| this is going to be a "year in review" type entry. i just spent sometime re-reading some of my old entries and realizing how much things can change in a year. i sometimes forget that it's actually enjoyable to read old entries because it often reminds me that i have accomplished and grown much.
hmm... now that i've started writing.. i've realized that i'm too tired to conentrate on my words...
perhaps this will be conitnued at a later date... |
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| whoa. before i even begin... it's been a while since i've been on xanga and i'm immediately confused by xanga's new facelift. suddenly the mainpage looks something like a mix between myspace and youtube. at first i wasn't sure if i had typed the wrong address in. anyway... this past weekend i found myself back at a conference on a college campus. not just any conference though, this was the international hip hop conference at trinity college in hartford, ct. while there i began to see how hip hop means so much more than the videos of exploited moment that we see on tv. more over, i got to see that it meant so much more to people globally. i had always thought of myself of a small sect of people who enjoy and follow "conscious hip hop" i found that so many more viewed it as a movement. outside of the U.S. there are communities using hip hop as a tool for social change and it's really amazing what they have accomplished. these artists go beyond the banter of "bling" and "hoes" and really speak of something with substance often times in the face of extreme censorship from their local goverment. the conference consisted of some AMAZING performances culminating in a performance by les nubians who not only performed their nomral set but came back for an encore. all of this was entirely FREE to all participants. the day consisted of workshops that centered around the hip hop movement today as well as a history of hip hop because we cannot know where we are going until we know where we are coming from. amongst other star sightings, the most exciting was the presence of fable from the rock steady crew, one of the orignators of popping, and watching him school the young ones and then take them under his wings to work on moves while the rest of the performances were going on. what a weekend. |
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| since my life is almost entirey consumed by my job...
most updates will be here <--click it |
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| got out of my car today after pulling into a sweet parking spot.
when i shut my door i noticed a dark smudge.
upon further inspection, i realized that somebody had HIT MY CAR.
i seriously stared at it for 5 minutes in disbelief
i think i may have uttered a few choice words.
then i vigorously tried to rub it off with the hopes that it just might work...
turns out most of it was paint so it DID rub off. however there is STILL a pen tip sized chip where the paint on MY car actually came off.
damn it still hurts.
the "teacher look"
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